How did I get here?

As of today, I am starting this blog as an online journal for myself. I guess I feel like i need another tool to keep me dedicated, and maybe posting will. I'm not advertising this blog to anyone currently, but maybe as I go on I will be happy to share with others (however, I'm not hiding or making it private, yet).

So how did I get here?
I am calling this blog "my big fat fertility fail", first because we have tried for three years this January to get pregnant. We have tried the old fashioned way, timing, ovulation predictors, then oral meds, then oral meds plus injection plus IUIs, then full-on injections and IUIs. When I added up an estimate of what we have spent, it's close to ten grand or more. And what do I have to show for it? 20+ lbs of a no-baby bump.

I wouldn't blame all the weight on fertility treatments, but for these reasons:
1. The medications made me hungry and have lots of cravings.
2. Each month I was so confident that I would be pregnant, I ate while I could considering how much I threw up with my first pregnancy.
3. I never really stuck with any fitness routines or started any training because I didn't want to be interrupted by pregnancy.

There are other reasons, but those are the main ones. So for now, I'm taking a break from fertility treatments and focusing on me. We haven't really decided if we want to try in intro or just go straight to trying to adopt. Either way, I need a mental and physical break from trying, and I'm spending this time trying to get back in shape in both areas.

To come in the next blog posts:
What do I want to accomplish?
And how am I going to do it.